The Missing Sock

[ Dark stage . ]

Narrator : It's a universal experience for anyone who has ever owned a pair of socks to eventually discover that one has gone missing, but what happens to our wayward shoes of yarn? Where do they go? How do they get there? Why do they leave?

[ Stage lights slowly illuminate a group of socks, sitting on top of a pile of clothes in a white hamper. ]

Red Sock #1 : Now - y'all remember the plan, right? [ Red Sock #2, Orange sock #s 1 & 2, and various beige, black, navy blue and white socks nod in agreement. ] Okay then, once last time: as soon as the dryer door is open and she reaches for the laundry basket, the escapees make their move. After the wash and dry people! If you among the designated evacuees, make damn sure you're dry before taking the leap. We don't need any wet threads weighing you down.

Navy Blue Sock #1 : Um, what happens if we're still damp when they open the door sir?

Red Sock #1 : [ Glowers at Navy Blue Sock #1 ] What do you think Missy? [ Silence. ] Agent Orange numbers 1 and 2, can you tell our mealy-mouthed little cadet here what she is to do in the event emergency.

Orange Socks 1 & 2 : Self-sacrifice for the good of the whole troop sir!

Red Sock #1 : That's right ladies and gents...'cause what we're talking about today ain't no Sunday afternoon stroll. Today, we're attempting our most dangerous mission yet; not only are we springing three neutrals - no, today we're setting one of our colored sisters free. Isn't that right baby? [ Turns to Red Sock #2. ]

Red Sock #2 : [ Sniffles. ] Yes sir.

Red Sock #1 : What's that soldier?

Red Sock #2 : [ With more conviction. ] Sir, yes sir!

Red Sock #1 : That's right, this escape will go down in history, because today , we stand up for all the socks that stand out. We will no longer let our brightly colored brethren suffer in silence. We will smuggle them out, one sock at a time, just like our beiges and blacks, our whites and navy blues. Today, we strike back! [ Looks each sock over. ] So if any of you think you're not up for this mission, you'd better ask yourselves: Am I willing to let one of my own, continue in a life full of sweaty, stinky feet in cramped, ill-fitting shoes? Am I willing to give myself for one of my own? And if the answer is no, get comfortable with spending the rest of your existence tossing around in superheated oblivion. [ Pauses. ] Now, are we ready?

All socks : Sir, yes sir!

Red Sock #1 : See you on the other side my friends.

White Sock #1 : [ Nudges Black Sock #1. ] Hey - where do they go? You know...after they're "free."

Black Sock #1 : Paradise my friend...paradise.

Navy Blue Sock #2 : Think we'll ever get there?

Beige Sock #1 : One can only hope.

White Sock #2 : That's right Blackie, we must have hope.

Black Sock #2 : Hope is all we got...