Hoppers Not Gone Soft

Or Dinner With Sally

Monday 20 February 2006

I spent the afternoon trying to perfect my new fighting style. It was hard work and I was too distracted to last the full 8 hour training session. After many failed attempts at penetrating 2ft of concrete with my elbow, I became discontented, took a seat by the French doors and waited. I was in a pickle, and I couldn't believe that a dame (as opposed to, say, an army of mercenary ninjas) was the cause of my distress. I decided just to sit. I watched the afternoon shadows as they twisted across my yard. The world spun towards twilight and I reflected on the fact that I wasn't always going to be in control. I had to pick Sally up at 10.

Was the evening going to be awkward, sterile, totally devoid of potential? Was it just going to grind along and would our good intentions be filed away by difficult silences and lifeless conversation? Would Sally find my macho antics immature or tire of the many, many anecdotes about my "Power Punch"?

Or were we about to share one of those dynamic nights when everything is timed flawlessly and everyone has an important role to play? On this night some street-punk might threaten us, only to realise with absolute horror that he has crossed paths with Hopper and that torment is imminent. Some old lady would be struggling at a pedestrian crossing, and I'd sweep in, throw her over my shoulder and take her to the other side. I'd be the charismatic, gallant hero and the night would be breathless, alive with possibility and full of momentum.

In the end, Sally cancelled on me and I wouldn't see her again for a couple of weeks.

My point here is that no man is too hard to enjoy romance. When I think back now, I realise that this kind of uncertainty, and the intimacy that eventually followed actually served to enhance my violent nature. It was the side to Hopper that nobody knew, but it provided an impeccable balance. It fuelled my passion for confrontation, while the wonderful crunch of bone breaking between my hands became more satisfying than ever before. Thousands of bad guys suffered intensely because of the liberating effect of romance on my life.